i try to control a boat full of pirates

Oh, I do love a good theme party. Particularly when they are as committed to decorating as the crew at Bartenderz Boutique Events are. And the team at WA Mechanical Services spared no expense with costuming. Truth is, when 88 pirates ransack your boat you can't control them. That's far too many plastic swords. In mother nature got her pirate on, producing a fiery sunset as the MV Moonlight Express prepared set off...

88 swashbuckling pirates walked on board our boat on Saturday night. The boat was transformed into the ultimate pirate ship. Pirate flag hanging at the back. Cannon on the bow. Ropes and nets covered the ceilings and the walls. There were treasure chests brimming with coins (some chocolate, some plastic - we worked it out pretty quickly). Skeletons and lanterns were scattered throughout. Four large barrels and some planks of wood made up the bars. I was a little disappoint there wasn't a single drop of rum in any of the barrels.
There were guns and parrots and plastic swords a-plenty. A layer of smoke lingered eerily over the floor. Pirates tunes filled the air thanks to the very committed DJ, Luke. The walls were plastered with friendly reminders of pirate law and treasure maps. Nothing like reading about the rules of Parlay while on the dunny. Peter Pan also made an appearance. And, up on the flybridge Pirate/Chef Bonny and his sidekick, from Bonstar, were whipping up traditional Paella to feed the hungry pirates. I didn't know pirates liked Paella. It must've had rum in it, or something, cos it was cleaned up in no time at all.

Special mention must go to the dude who dressed up as a parrot and also to the guy who walked around carrying a plank all night.

MV Moonlight Express: http://www.moonlightexpress.com.au/

Bartenderz Boutique Events: http://www.bartenderz.com.au/

Bonstar Catering: 0414 793 383

i try looping a rope around a post

Ah, yes. Easy in theory. Even when the situation is slightly complicated by the fact that the ends of the rope need to be attached to a 76 foot boat (the idea being that the rope looped around the post will stop the boat drifting back into the $3 million Sunseeker on the post behind you), it's still pretty easy...

It was easy. I chucked the rope around the post, gave it as much slack as I could, and tied it off on the boat. I was happy. The skipper (we'll call him Brian) was happy. The big boss (the owner) probably didn't really care either way. And I can't speak for everyone on board but I'm pretty sure, if they cared, they would've been happy with loop/post job I had done too. The charter continued on in a very jovial manner for the next hour or so.

I went inside to do stuff and generally be productive. I felt a slight jolt run through the boat. It was a little odd. I went onto the bow to investigate. The people on the bow were chatting away merrily. But something wasn't right. The post we were supposed to be attached to was now much further away and we had just drifted back into the post that the $3 million Sunseeker behind us was attached to.

My knots were still in place. The rope wasn't broken. The loop was still there. It just wasn't around the post. See? It's harder than you think. All I had to do was put a loop round a post and somehow I managed to screw it up.

We started the boat up and reapproached the post. This time I wasn't taking any chances. My rope was going to loop around the post and, Goddamnit, it was going to stay there! Or at least one of them was. Always good to have a backup.

i try gooseberries

When Mum told me she'd bought a Gooseberry Bush I laughed. She didn't. So I knew she was serious. Gooseberry? Is that a lickable wallpaper flavour in Willy Wonka? Turns out they look as weird as their name suggests.
And, inside the little fury cocoon-like things is a little yellow berry. After some Googling we came to the conclusion that if we ate them we probably wouldn't die. So far so good. I'm not dead. They taste like a tomato crossed with a pineapple. They are actually quite yum. Our bush doesn't really have enough berries on it to start attempting to cook with them. But when it does...gooseberry jam, gooseberry pie, gooseberry crumble, gooseberry wine, stewed gooseberries...oh, the possiblilities.