i try gardening

Dear Dad,

We both knew. We knew from the start it wasn't a good idea. But you said you had no choice. You left me in charge of your garden while you were away for three months.

There were some casualties along the way. You may notice a plant missing at the base of the pawpaw tree. One of its fronds was dead. My inner gardener told me to remove it. I tried to pull off the dead foliage and subsequently pulled up the whole plant. I'm sure that sort of thing happens to Jamie Durie all the time.

Also, the plant next to the mandarin tree seems to have died. I'm pretty sure it was due to die anyway.

On the plus side your number one child, the pawpaw plant, is thriving. I was very careful to keep it alive. I know how proud of it you are because you grew it from the seeds of a pawpaw you bought from the supermarket.

"Now the pawpaw," you said sternly before you departed, "don't kill the pawpaw. It needs loads of water, ok? Heaps of water." I wasn't sure if "loads" refers to a specific amount in horticulture, or how it converted into litres. Rest assured, I gave it loads. If you didn't have a swimming pool in your backyard before...well, you do now.

Also Dad, there was a bit of a storm while you were away. The palm tree seems to have vomited up all its dead branches. I didn't know what to do with them so I made a delightful pile near the washing line. I may have broken the washing line in the process.

That plant with the weird yellow flowers has taken over the garden. It seems to have strangled the cherry tomatoes which, by the way, are looking a little sad.

I did remember to put snail bait on the basil...the first time. I'm pretty sure basil season is over anyway.

I'm not sure what happened to the water fountain. The top bit has kind of...ahem...broken off. I blame the storm. I performed emergency surgery and I think it will be ok. It's teetering on top at the moment and if anyone sneezes it will fall. But, you wouldn't ever know just by looking at it.

I took the liberty of sweeping the paved area. I assumed anything growing through the bricks was a weed and pulled it out. Sincere apologies if you were growing herbs through the pavement.

I couldn't remember if you said it was ok to pick the chillies. I do recall you saying something about 'ornamental'...or was that 'oriental'? I used them anyway. The stir-fry was delicious.

Just one more thing...the whole situation out the front with the sand an everything...um...Oh, did I mention the pawpaw is thriving?

Love always, your favourite daughter,

Miranda

PS please see attached picture for evidence of the pawpaw's good health!